Paleo Crockpot Beef and Mushroom Stew

I just ate a bite of this. I was trying not to. I'm going out to breakfast soon but I woke up to the beautiful smell of meat in my house, so I couldn't help myself. That would just be stupid to not try it. Meat in the morning is the best way to start the day. Oh go on, giggle to yourself you pervert. Real original.

There are a lot of things that freak me out in this world. Like a lot. I could make a list of all of them, since I like to do that, but that would make me look like a freak. And I wouldn't want that happen now would I??! Anywho, I sometimes like to think about all the weird stuff in the world. It's fun. Like Tom Cruise's hair. It moves a lot. Especially when he's trying to look young and hip in action movies. Why wouldn't you cut your hair for that? But seriously. Stop being unattractive just because you have a wife and child. You know what else is freaky? Cars that parallel park themselves. How does that make any sense?! No but seriously. I live in Colorado. If you didn't know, it snows in Colorado. You expect me to feel comfortable with my car driving itself into a parking space around other cars?! You must be high Toyota. High as an effing kite.

Now let's talk about some things that really matter. Like what freaks me out in a guy. Jake says I'm never going to date anyone because I have unrealistic standards. Which is true. But there are a few things that will never be acceptable to me in a guy. Like a guy who shaves his legs. Or wears puca shell necklaces. Or pierces his nipples. All three of those things freak me out. I'm lucky to have my own legs shaved...but a guy who has the time to shave his own, that's just stupid. Dudes are suppose to have hairy legs. They're suppose to be fuzzy. So when a guy looks like a naked rat, I know it's never going to work.

Has anyone noticed that there are a stupid amount of Cutie's clementine commercials? Ugh, please stop. We get it, kids like peelable fruit.

I want dark chocolate walnuts.

What you need:
  • 1.5-2lbs beef stew meat
  • 1 package sliced button mushrooms
  • 1 package whole shiitake mushrooms
  • 1 package baby portobello mushrooms
  • 1 sweet potato, chopped
  • 4 garlic cloves, peeled and smashed (use the flat part of a knife. be smart here people)
  • 1 cup pearl onions, placed in warm water for 5 minutes then peeled
  • 1 cup chicken or beef broth (or water if you don't have that on hand)
  • 1/3 cup balsamic vinegar
  • 2 tablespoons red wine vinegar
  • 1 bay leaf 
  • 2 tablespoons onion powder
  • 1 tablespoon dried rosemary
  • 1 teaspoon dried sage
  • 1 teaspoon dried parsley
  • salt and pepper, to taste
What you do:
  1. This is pretty simple, so if you get lost, I pity you.
  2. Pull out your crock pot.
  3. Place all mushrooms, garlic, and pearl onions in the bottom of your crockpot.
  4. Throw meat and sweet potatoes on top.
  5. Add the rest of your ingredients. I just put all the spices on top of the meat and sweet potatoes. The meat juices will run down onto the musrhooms while the sweet potatoes won't get mushy since they are on top of all the wet ingredients.
  6. Cook at low for 6-8 hours. 
  7. Eat up!

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