Paleo Apple and Bacon Rosemary Pork Burgers

Bacon is so hard to cook with. By the time I'm about to add it into a meal, it has somehow disappeared off my plate. And I have grease fingerprints on my shirt. And I am fighting back the tears caused by the fat burns I just created on the roof of my mouth. I know bacon is going to be hot after I take it out of the pan, but I insist on shoving it into my mouth like it's going to be the last source of food for the next 6 months. I'm such a fatty. My lord. So this meal was really difficult for me. Especially since it had apples in it. APPLESCOOKEDINBACONFAT!?? Stupid. God damn stupid. Stupid good that is. I couldn't stop eating it. Hence the reason my mouth is having to repair itself today. Isn't it so freaking cool how fast your mouth repairs itself from battle wounds?! Like when you bite yourself while chewing? I'm good at that. Thank god I have no one to kiss at this point in my life.

Speaking of kissing, Laura and I (oh stop smirking you weirdo) went to Whole Foods the other night JUST to check out a guy that works there. Soul reason alone: creep. The other day we went there and I noticed him and told her about it after we left. Creepily enough, she did too AND said she had gone there before just to order food from him. HOLY SH*T, Laura and I are legit stalker status. Thankfully when we went back the other night to stalk, Laura bought some dark chocolate almonds and water so we didn't seem like cheap bastards. We spent money in order to check someone out. If that's not desperate, I don't know what is. At least we have each other.

I went in Walmart for the first time in a loooong time today. And it was interesting. Hella interesting. I'm not quite sure many people look in the mirror before they head out the door and onto the wide isles of Walmart. Hey now, stop getting worked up that I'm making fun of people. I don't WANT to look in the mirror in the morning, but I do it. I make sure my ass isn't falling (completely) out of my spandex, I tuck in my boobs, and I wear a headband to cover up the evidence that I haven't showered in 3 days. I work with what I got. Cover my bases. But it doesn't seem like that occurs that often at Walmart. I guess that's why there is a website dedicated specifically for the People of Walmart. Can't wait to see my pic on there tomorrow. Sorry for being mean Karma. I deserve that.

What you need:
  • 1-1.5 lbs ground pork
  • 6-8 strips of bacon, cut into 1 inch pieces
  • 1 apples, cored and diced
  • 1-2 tablespoons rosemary (depending how much you like rosemary)
  • salt and pepper, to taste
What you do:
  1. Heat up a medium sized skillet under medium heat.
  2. Chop up your bacon and add it to the pan.
  3. Let bacon cook for a bit until some of the fat seeps out and the ends of the bacon begin to turn up.
  4. Then add your apple to begin to cook down. Bacon fat was going bat sh*t crazy, so I covered it with a lid.
  5. While the bacon and apple are cooking for the next 5-7 minutes, throw your ground pork in a bowl, add your rosemary and salt and pepper and use your hands to combine everything! If you don't use your hands, it won't taste right. Just trust me. Buck up child.
  6. Once your bacon and apples are done cooking, use a slotted spoon to add them to a paper towel on a plate to let cool. Keep the bacon fat in the pan unless you have a ton, in that case pour a little in your handy dandy bacon fat jar. You don't have one?! You're dumb. 
  7. Now time to make your patties!!
  8. Now take a small ball full of meat, I'd say smaller than a lacrosse ball, ball it up and then smash it down with your thumbs to make a damn good looking patty. You want this a bit thinner than a normal burger though.
  9. Then make another!
  10. Now place a spoonful of your bacon and apple mixture on top of one of your patties, then plop another patty on top, then use your fingers to seal up the sides. Pinching technique works best.
  11. Repeat. I got 3 burgers out of 1lb of ground pork.
  12. Now reheat your skillet with the leftover bacon in it.
  13. Add your stuffed burgers to the pan. Cook for about 5 minutes per side (depending on the thickness)
*I used a lid while my burgers cooked to help steam them while they cooked so they would cook in the middle faster.

have you noticed all my sage in my pictures? i love fuzzy herbs.
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